What you think of me is none of my business.

It’s not always easy for me to live knowing that what others think of me is none of my business. We are so conditioned to be externally referenced and to care what people think, to make decisions based on what other people think or how we think they will react. It’s especially hard when we really care about a person because we don’t want to let them down.

The road to earning my CODE Model Coach Certification began, without me realizing it, when I experienced the Decloaking and Living Authentically program offered by the WEL-Systems Institute in 2012.  Several close friends had already experienced it and other programs offered by Louise LeBrun, founder of WEL-Systems.  I saw the incredible impact the process had on their lives and was curious to see what it was all about.  It has indeed changed my life. After engaging in the other programs offered over a 2 year period and taking time for it all to settle in, I knew the time was right to jump into the CODE Model Coaching Certification process in the spring of 2016.  It was a crucial piece to the nutrition coaching I wanted to offer.  What follows is an excerpt from the essay I wrote as part of my CODE Model certification.

If I had to guess what impact the CODE Model Coaching process had on the outcome of my “clients”, I would say that I was able to offer them a different way to consider themselves, their bodies, their relationships, in short, their lives!

As for me, my experience of “Decloaking and Living Authentically” was magical, frustrating, life changing and more.  Since stepping into that experience almost five years ago, I’ve learned SO much that has made my life easier, more invigorating and more exciting!

Through Decloaking, I have learned things like:

1. What you think of me is none of my business.
2. My reaction is all about me.
3. Follow the impulse.
4. Stay in the tough conversations.
5. Tell the truth of my experience.
6. I can change my mind.

It’s not always easy for me to live knowing that what others think of me is none of my business.  We are so conditioned to be externally referenced and to care what people think, to make decisions based on what other people think or how we think they will react.  It’s especially hard when we really care about a person because we don’t want to let them down.

Knowing that my reaction is all about me is a real game-changer for me.  I no longer “blame” another person for the feelings moving around inside of me.  I try always to bring it back to me and get curious as to why I am reacting the way I am.

When I am irritated in the presence of another person, I know it’s an invitation for me to look inside of me, to ask myself questions, to potentially discover more about myself.  Life is much easier when I take responsibility for my reactions, when I am open, honest, clear and direct, when I treat myself (first and foremost) and others with RIG.  Yes, sometimes it’s hard, sometimes I forget and when I do, I judge myself harshly because I know a different way to live but then I get to remind myself to wipe the slate clean and move on from there.

Following the impulse can be hard for me because my intellect is so strong and I’ve been so used to using my intellect to weigh up the pros and cons of almost every decision I make!  I remember once being twisted in knots trying to choose between two jobs.  My friend walked me through a process where I said the names of the two companies, paid attention to any physical sensations in my body and placed my hands wherever those physical sensations presented.  As my body settled I was aware that one of my hands was on my forehead.  Knowing that represents who I have the potential to become, I knew immediately which company to choose and that it would move me towards my potential.  It was time to move on and I have never looked back!  I can’t say that all my decisions have been this easy.  I still get caught up in my intellect and find it hard to tune into what my body is telling me.  When I do, I’m aware of it.

I now have a different process in place for making choices.  And, when I follow the impulse, I know I won’t go wrong!

Staying in the tough conversations, especially with myself, is another one that isn’t always easy for me, especially when they involve family members.  It continues to amaze me how deep my conditioning is with respect to family!

Telling the truth of my experience, similar with the tough conversations, is easy when surrounded by my posse of like-minded individuals, who also live in this new and different paradigm.

I discovered the incredibly powerful process that is the Layers of Discovery. What an experience it was; first writing the letter and the tears that flowed, followed by reading of the letter to myself, both silently and aloud, and the tears that flowed and finally reading the letter out loud, in the presence of others.  It seemed with each word I spoke, more tears flowed.  I didn’t think I would ever get through it!!!

I know that with each reading of the letter and with each tear that flowed, my body was changing, I was changing, even if I wasn’t able to describe how.

Changing my mind is sometimes easy and sometimes hard.  If I feel that changing my mind is going to negatively affect someone I care deeply about then it’s very difficult for me to change my mind and certainly impossible not to offer up an explanation about why I’m changing my mind.  Ironically, in these situations, I find it hard to remember that I am choosing what is meaningful for me and that how the other person reacts is a reflection of their internal landscape, not mine.  I often find myself hindered by past situations where changing my mind has created a controversy.  I forget that it is, indeed, a past situation and that both of us are now different to who we were when the situation occurred.

Not only do I find my life easier to live, I also experience myself much differently now.

1. I used to be someone who constantly sought other people’s opinions when trying to make decisions.  Sure, it doesn’t mean that my intellect doesn’t get caught up in some of my decisions.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t default back to the same old habits I used to have but the main thing is that it’s no longer a default, it’s the exception.  More importantly, I am very much aware of it when it happens.  In those moments, I know I can (and have) reached out for help from others who know a different way, a way other than jotting down pros and cons and making a decision from there.  In those moments, I am aware that my intellect has taken over and that any impulse has been buried so I seek to calm down my intellect by breathing and giving it something else to focus on.
2. I allow myself to ask for what I want.
3. I allow myself to not constantly give reasons for my asking for what I want or for my changing my mind.  It often still surprises me to see just how easy it is not to give reasons, not to explain myself and mostly always people don’t ask!
4. I allow myself to change my mind, despite the consequences.  It continues to amaze me how many times I think the consequences will be dire and they end up not being so at all!!
5. I find myself unable to remain quiet about the process I follow for my life now.  It seeps into my conversations.  Of course, not everyone is ready, willing or able to hear what I’m saying or to apply it and that frustrates me.  In those instances, I have to remind myself that it’s okay.  It doesn’t have to be “my way or the highway”.  If people are interested, they will ask questions.  If not, I leave it be.
6. Certain conversations no longer hold an interest for me e.g. the weather.  I love conversations about a different way of living, a different way of seeing the world, allowing myself to let go of the cultural conditioning that has me living the “I should” ‘s instead of the “I choose” ‘s.

In closing, I would like to share this “testimonial” from a friend. I was deeply moved by her words and truly had no idea I had had any impact on her.  I was simply being me, living my life the only way that I can now that I know a different way of doing so.  If I am the invitation for her to do the same then great!

Kathryn

“You are the one who has gently led me towards trying to have an open/honest discussion. I know I can be quite difficult to lead at times so if you can lead me you can lead anyone. You back off when you see it isn’t the time to push me and you gently ask me to look into my reactions and come back to them when I am ready, and that is why you make an ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC COACH. With the combination of your questions and very accepting manner people are able to open up. Keep on being you. It’s the best gift you have.”
Allison
Sydney, Australia